


Thoughts

by afteriwake



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-19
Updated: 2012-09-19
Packaged: 2017-11-14 15:05:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 475
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/516647
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/afteriwake/pseuds/afteriwake
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean's thoughts after the demons escape from Hell.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Thoughts

You never think grief can kill you. Not until it happens...then it just gets a hold on you and won't let go. Then it makes you do things you wouldn't normally do like, say, go to a crossroads and call up a demon to bring your brother back to life. Little stuff like that.

Sammy says what I did was insane. Bobby thinks so, too, he just doesn't say anything. Not really sure how Ellen feels about it, or if we even told her. Can't really remember...that day is still a little fuzzy. Letting out a shitload of demons...not something you do every day. Should have been more memorable, I think. Instead the yellow-eyed demon was kicking my ass. Until he got shot, anyway.

Maybe I was insane. Temporarily, at least. But maybe I wasn't. I'm not kicking my own ass for what I did. And if I had to I'd do it all over again. Nothing in this world is more important to me than Sam. He's all I've really got left. And if that means selling my soul to the devil for a year on this earth, then that's what I'll do to keep him.

My own feelings on the situation are this: you do what you've got to do. Maybe it doesn't make sense to anyone else, but you do what you've got to do. Dad did that, offering himself up to the yellow-eyed demon. He did what he had to do to save me.

I thought he was insane for doing it, but then when I did the same thing for Sammy I knew what was going through his mind. Wasn't insanity, that was sure. It was something else. I'd say love but then I'd be thinking too much in the touchy feely Dr. Philish direction, and I'm sorry but I can't stand my thoughts going there.

Anyway. Point is, what one person thinks is insane another person might look at and think it's perfectly reasonable. Doesn't mean that person is insane, though. Means they've got another point of view. Means they don't fall in with the crowd. I think Sam's going to fall into that category eventually: he may not like what I did but I know the longer we deal with it the less he'll think I was insane and the more he'll understand. Maybe...this _is_ Sammy we're talking about. Boy can hold a grudge. If he didn't then he wouldn't be my brother, and there'd have been no point in bringing him back. And man, I like having my brother around. Gives me someone to pick on, even if he is a freakish giant. But he's family, so he just puts up with it.

I didn't want to lose that, and for right now, I haven't. What happens in the long run...we'll see.


End file.
